... Dictator, nazi, disciplinarian, strict, meany.
This is how I think small children look at me these days. I tell you what my patience, tolerance and temperament has never been more tried than in the last 3 weeks. These poor kids. First we must understand that at the school I work we expect a lot out of our student... even our pre-k class (which is where I am.) Sometimes I have to remind myself they are only 4 and 5. At any rate I'm constantly telling the kids "stop picking your nose, cover your mouth when you sneeze/cough, criss-cross apple sauce, on your bottom, raise your hand, quiet walking feet, listen to the teacher, be kind to your friends, eat your snack/lunch, put your toys away, quiet, Quiet, QUIET!!! I seriously think I am going to lose my mind people. Don't get me wrong I really love my job. I have many of those rewarding moments where I get a hug, a picture, or told that they love me ect. But I'm a little stressed. I think the straw that is breaking the camels back is going straight from the pre-k class to my babysitting job. The little girl (3) and boy (2) that I watch are the ones I really feel bad for. Mostly because by the time I get to them I have .5% of my patience left. I don't let them get away with anything. For example tonight (this is the cause of my current pointless rant) putting them to bed was a nightmare, and mostly because I had no tolerance for whining (and baby girl knows how to whine.) this is how our story unfolds....
Diego was finally over and it was time to go to bed. Naturally they BOTH wanted to turn of the TV. Baby boy (B) was closest so I let him go first Baby Girl (G) decided she should have gone first and lost it. I told her if she could stop crying she could have a turn (I do not reward temper tantrums with the object of their desire.) After I tell her this, she screams at the top of her lungs... so no turning of the tv for her. I tell her the choice she made was not a good one and she can't have a turn. We go to get milk... she crys. I tell her whinny girls don't get stories... she cries louder (my tolerance is at -50% right now.) We go upstairs I start our routine... she cries... for no reason other than to make noise. I calm her down. We finally read both stories. I think all is well... its time for songs... I hate song time. Mainly because I feel like a puppet, vocal strings being pulled to sing whatever 3 songs they like (always princess) if I sing to fast, or HEAVEN FORBID I skip/forget a word or sing a phrase out of place I get stopped and told I'm doing it wrong (pet-pev: little children telling me I am doing something wrong.) Can you see where this is going? I get stopped. I tell her not to inturupt because it isn't poliet. If she makes that choice again I will have to leave. I continue, she interrupts, I leave. I change B's diapers. He is being an angle (thank goodness.) She has calmed down I return and sing the rest of the songs... I leave, she cries because she wanted me to sing more.. but I couldn't handle any more. I rock B to sleep (thank you H.F. for an easy night with him.) I muster ever ounce of patience I can find and go back to see her. She is still crying. I kindly say sweet things to her... she calms down. I leave, feeling some emotion inside I can't figure out. It is like a mixture of guilt, frustration, love. I want to go home and crash but I have to stay till mom and dad get home from dinner... (Because I need to work more hours? lol.)
Anyways MOM'S HOW DO YOU DO IT? Am I abnormal? Do you ever have these nights? These emotions? Do you feel like the meanest person in the world? Or am I just to strict? I know, I know.... it is different with your own kids... but I'm not sure. I truly care for these kids and the kids at school but they can sure push my buttons. How will I ever survive motherhood? I need to leave the field of child care and education and go into... well something that encouraged motherhood rather than terrifies me of it! I need some serious insight, advice, encouragement, anything that will help me hold it together while I am doing both of these jobs.
Haha. I get a good laugh though when I think of the terrified looks on my spirit childrens faces as they watch me try to care for these kids down her. They are probably going to the spirit children placement office and begging for a repeal so they don't get stuck with me... I don't blame them!
Hahaha ohhhh yes. Hard hard hard. It is a bit different when it's your own, but it's still very VERY difficult sometimes. I constantly have to remind myself that they are only the age they are and no older! It's really easy to expect too much of them. And sometimes, because of variances in physical development, they actually cannot remember, comprehend or process simple things we ask of them. That was so hard for me in the preschool program! But most of the time the best thing to do is remain calm and indifferent (no matter how terribly IMPOSSIBLE it seems) yet firm and realize that getting upset usually only makes things worse. And sometimes you have to pick your battles, and it's true, some battles are not worth fighting.
ReplyDeleteIt reminds me of an example from Elder Ballard. He said a few General Conferences ago that a mother can choose how to discipline her children: she can either do it lovingly and keep the spirit, or lose her temper and drive the spirit away. The first is undoubtably the better alternative, and I firmly believe it. I've had both moments, and I always feel so much better about everything when I control myself. It's so hard, though, and more often than not I get upset.
Hang in there, I know it's hard!! Don't worry about your future children. :) You are learning important things even before they get here. So really, they're lucky! :)
It is so difficult to find the right balance between being loving and being firm, because both are necessary, and at times it feels like those two things are complete opposites. But, it is possible to be lovingly firm. It take patience and practice, but it can be done. I think raising children is THE greatest tool Heavenly Father has given us to help us become like Him. Keep at it, and pray for His help. He will help you to see how best to work with each child. Your spirit children will rejoice with each of your successes.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all when you raise your own kid from birth, it's different because they are used to you and the way you discipline etc. And you will have your husband to help. I wouldn't worry too much about it.
ReplyDeleteOh, and if it makes you feel better, you should see me in primary. I am the mean one in the presidency that walks around getting onto the noisy kids and either make them sit with me or sit in the hall when they are too bad. Or kick their chair and glare. Haha!
Kids are just snotty brats sometimes. TRUE. The worst.
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