Monday, February 10, 2014

Thoughts from Dad

Some tender thoughts from Dad on the birth of his little girl - Written Dec 10th and 11th 2013.

Well the time has come. After being in the hospital this past week for a few days we are here again anticipating the birth of our baby girl Eden. Yesterday Monday December 10 I took Kristin home from the hospital as her blood pressure readings started to stabilize. We had a nice quiet evening at home drinking some hot chocolate and watching some Christmas shows as the snow started to fall outside. We watched one of my favorite Christmas shows - Home Alone lost in New York. Little did I know that would probably be one of our last nights home together ending our five plus year career as a married couple without children yet. 

This morning I got up and it was a normal day. I went to work and expected to check in on Kristin every hour to make sure that everything was alright. I got a call around four and she let me know that she needed to go to the hospital again. I sent out my last email for the day and headed home thinking this would be just a checkup for the evening and she may need to stay overnight. We arrived at the Stamford hospital and they started to check on blood pressure levels. They were high in the 160 range so at that point I knew we had to stay overnight. I went back home to grab a pillow and a blanket and some Taco Bell for dinner. When I got back to the hospital the nurse told me to tell Kristin that the doctor was on his way here. I told her and she asked "well do you know what that means?" I said not really and she said he isn't here just for a casual check up! He came on in thereafter and explained the situation to us and it was then that it finally hit me that I am going to be a tomorrow! My knees got rubbery and I wasn't hungry after hearing that because I got real nervous thinking this was real. 

I had Justin Berrett and Jason Arbuckle come to the hospital to assist me in giving Kristin a blessing and to receive a blessing myself. After that I started to feel a bit better and not so nervous. It was nice to lean on the priesthood in a time of need. We've been receiving a lot of texts and messages of support from friends and family and I have felt their strength and prayers. So now it is 12:20 am and I am not able to go to sleep! Lots of thoughts racing through my mind about the new life we are going to have. 

We had a peaceful night interrupted here and there with nurses coming in to check on Kristin. She was given a dose of magnesium and now her BP is down in the 120ish range which is much better. We have been taken care of quite well and been guided through his process by the nurses and doctors. It is now 8:30 am and the cervodil should wear down in a couple hours after which they will give Kristin a dose of potocin to start the labor and delivery process. We are both pretty nervous and excited at the same time right now at this new and unknown adventure. The baby has been doing well up to this point. She seems to be pretty active and ready to come into this world! It is pretty surreal thinking that I will have my own little baby at the end of the day after almost thirty years of being a brother, cousin and uncle so so many little ones not to mention having seen dozens and dozens of friends have children that I have been an observer of up until this point. 

I am writing this now at 8:40 pm to recount our great experience today! Kristin got put on some potocin this morning around 10am to start inducing labor. We thought it would be at noon so it was a surprise to hear that we were starting off early. I pulled up a chair next to the bed and held Kristin's hand as she started to experience contractions. I downloaded Kenneth copes album where there is a track of Edens Garden to get her in good spirits to listen to as the contractions intensified. It seemed like a long two hours as she waited to dialate from 1cm to 3cm. I was very surprised at how resilient she seemed to this point through contractions. She barely clutched in pain and didn't make much sound during the process. I barely knew what she was going through! At 3.5 cm she asked for an epideral which surprised me because I didn't know she was in pain at that point. They asked me to exit the room as they administered to her. I came back and resumed my duties as hand holder. Things started to intensify from there. She went from 3.5 cm to 5cm in about an hour. I called Karen on the road to give her updates. She was still a ways out at that point. I didn't think she was going to make it.  At around 2:00 she was dialated to an 8! That was quick. Before I knew it nurses and doctors were pouring in as we were getting close. I called Karen and she was just getting the tappan zee so there could be a chance she could make it. Kristin started pushing at 3pm and Karen finally showed up ten minutes before the birth! Baby Eden was born at 3:45 pm weighing in at 4 lbs 15 oz and 18 inches. She came out a bit quiet then started a little cry as she was laying on Kristin's stomach. She was beautiful! Long legs and feet long hands and a nice head of dark hair that showed a slight curl to it. As I watched her being cleaned off I could feel strong emotion and grateful for such a treasure from heaven. Kristin did a great job and was amazing during the push process. I was able to go up and visit Eden in the NICU and hold her. She was so peaceful and small! Today has been such a surreal and wonderful day. I am so happy to be a dad and have a daughter.

The Love/Hate of Parenthood

 I can't believe my little one is only a day away from being a two month old. The past two months seems to run together into one big blur. I feel like I've been in a constant cycle of feed, burp, swaddle, sleep, rinse, wash, repeat. Everyone talks about how slow time seems to go in the moment but then how fast it goes when you look back. Its true, and I hate it. I feel like being a parent, for me, has been a love hate relationship. Before you get offended let me explain. I hate that in the past two months my baby has doubled her weight. I hate that we've had to say goodbye to preemie diapers and newborn clothes. I hate that her tiny little wimper cry is sounding more gown up each day. I hate that with each moment that passes she needs me less and less. She needs less help supporting her head, needs less help falling asleep. But yet, at the same time I love it. I love watching her get stronger and more independent. I love day dreaming about what she will be like as she gets older. I love the flicker of recognition she gives me when I look into her eyes. I love nursing her, even though I have a low milk supply and after 20-30 min of nursing I still have to feed her a bottle. I love burping her, even though it always ends with me covered in her spit up. I love rocking her to sleep, even if its the middle of the night and I can barley keep my eyes open. I love holding her, even though it means my house is a mess, my stomach is growling and my bladder is at its limit. I love smelling her head and her baby breath, even though in the past I heard moms say that and I cringed. There is so much to love about motherhood, but then so much to hate as you realize this time goes by WAY TO FAST! It's not fair. I long for her to be a week old again and at the same time I wish she was older so we could have deep, moving conversations. Sigh... Oh well, I guess this is why some people end up with a dozen kids, they miss those newborn moments in their entirety.

I haven't been good about writing much for each day of Edens life. I do have this great book I got as a shower gift that I have been writing in a little each day. However, I have been pretty good about taking pictures of her. I don't pretend to be a photographer, although I'd love to be one day, so they aren't artsy and edited. What they are is moments in time I had to capture. That darling outfit I was dying over, the elvis impression I had to share, that peaceful face when she slept that I didn't want to ever forget. Those are the pictures that I took. Although they aren't fancy and artistic, to me they are dear and priceless. Naturally, I must share them. I'll share a few for (*almost*) every day of her life since we brought her home from the NICU.

Friday Dec 20th, 2013

Saturday Dec 21st 2013

Sunday Dec 22nd, 2013

Monday Dec 23rd, 2013

Tuesday Dec 24th, 2013

Wednesday Dec 25th, 2013

Thursday Dec 26th, 2013

Friday Dec 27th, 2013

Saturday Dec 28th, 2013

Monday Dec 29th, 2013

Tuesday Dec 30th, 2013

Wednesday Dec 31st, 2013