Eden's 8 Day Stacation in the NICU

Preface: I never thought I'd have a baby in the NICU. I guess no parent really ever thinks that, it just happens. I have always had a soft spot in my heart for the moms who had to leave their babies in the NICU. I remember when Becca, my sister-in-law, had Jackson in the NICU for so long. I would get teary eyes as I would think of how hard it must be for her to leave him each night. I was so impressed with how well she and her husband endured Jacksons stay. They always said it was the strength given to them by all the people praying for them. I didn't completely understand what that meant until I experienced it on my own. We have been sooo blessed that the only challenges Eden has had to overcome are weight gain, Jaundice and regulation of body temperature. Those are such small barriers to break and very common for a baby her age. She never needed to be on oxygen, she only spent less than 24 hours being feed from an iv (and that was only because of the magnesium in her little body. There are parents whose children are much sicker than mine and for her health I am truly grateful. I have been able to feel the strength from the prayer offered in our behalf and it is truly a humbling thing. They have sustained me and comforted me each night as I kiss her little cheeks and tell her goodnight before I go home. It's not an easy thing to do by any means, but I know being there is the best thing for her and as a parent you quickly learn to make any sacrifice, no matter how hard for you, if it will benefit your child. That doesn't mean that when I get home I don't fight back tears as I wish she was laying in my arms all curled up and warm. It doesn't mean I don't have to fight the urge to jump in the car at midnight so I can go be with her. It doesn't mean I don't wish I was getting up with her at 3am to feed her and not someone who can't possibly lover her the way I do. What it means is that when I have those overwhelming feelings of sadness that I can be with her, in those moments I am filled with the love of my Heavenly Father. For he truly knows how I am feeling. He sent his son to earth and watch him give his life for the redemption of his brothers and sisters. I can understand that great sacrifice a little better now. In the end I'll get to bring her home and I'll love on her all day and all night long. Then in a few weeks as the lack of sleep sets in I might even wish someone else was the one feeding her at 3am. For now though, I'll just be strong for her. I'll spend as much time with her as I can through the day. I'll rock her and sing to her and watch her sleep, knowing that very soon I'll be doing all of that in the comfort of my own home and not in the hospital.



Thursday Dec 12th

I thought being on the magnesium the day before was bad. Today it was so much worse. I had the hardest time keeping my eyes open because the room was spinning. I was so excited to have my friends Corinne and Tina stop by and visit with me for a while. I can't even explain how overwhelmed and grateful I am to all those who came to visit me while I was in the hospital. It meant so much to know people were thinking of me and also helped pass the time. I have another friend Yeounghee stop by and brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. By the early afternoon the NICU called and said Eden was doing so well they they could bring her down and have her do some skin to skin with me and see if she would latch to do a little nursing. I was sooo excited to see my baby girl. I was also really nervous that I was going to drop her or something. For the soul reason that I was so dizzy and weak that I could barely do anything for myself and I was afraid I wouldn't have the strength to hold her. Luckily, when you weigh less than 5lbs your not the hard to handle. I LOVED having her on my chest and talking to her. I was so sad when they took her away from me. It made me even more anxious to get off the medicine and get upstairs to see her again. I decided to try to sleep so that I could pass the time quick. Given my drugged up state it wasn't a surprise that when I woke up it was to the nurse coming to help me get up and move me upstairs to maternity. I was still really weak and needed help walking. They had to push me upstairs in a wheelchair. As soon as I got to maternity I told my nurse to take me to the NICU so I could hold my little girl again. Since she was doing well they had taken the IV with sugar water out and were feeding her a little formula. They let me feed her and I was surprised  by just how small she really was. I actually felt like I might break her. I wanted to stay with her for a long time but not eating for 48 hours was catching up with me as well as the magnesium still in my system. After an hour they wheeled me up to my room so I could eat. While I was eating my dinner Jordan and Amanda came by. I feel like Amanda should be having her baby any time now since her due date was only a week after mine. I have to remind myself we still have a month before her little one comes now. At 9 o'clock I went back down to the NICU for her 9pm feeding. She stole my heart as her tiny little mouth sucked on the bottle nipple that seemed as big as her head. She had done so well the past 24 hours and was even in just a bassinet. Her nurse seemed to think she'd probably get to go home with me the next day. I tried not to get to excited but I was really hoping that she was right.

 

 

Friday Dec 13th

I spent a lot of the morning between the NICU and my room. When I got to the NICU in the morning the doctors told me that she had lost a lot of weight overnight and her temperature was low. I learned that babies have a hard time regulating their body temperatures. They try to keep their bodies warm and use a ton of energy doing that. They also need to use a lot of energy to eat. If they don't eat enough food to account for the energy the expend eating and keeping warm they loose weight and at 4lbs 15oz she doesn't have a lot to loose. Since she had gotten to cold and lost weight they knew she was working to hard to stay warm so they put her in the isolate. She would need to be in there for a few days till they could be sure she was able to keep her body temp up on her own. They also said her bilirubin number (the number that indicates if they have jaundice) was up and that she may need to go under the lights the next day. I tried not to be disappointed that she wasn't going home with me, but it was still hard to know we would be sleeping in different places that night. I was discharged and got to go home. When I got home Mike had cleaned up and gotten me a balloon that said it's a girl as well as written me a sweet note.  It was so wonderful to be home. I wan't home very long before it was time to go back to the hospital for the 3pm feeding. Mike and I went over together for that and we just gawked at every little face she made. We even face timed family into the feeding to show off our little beauty. Mike read Eden her very first story. It was such a tender moment, so many emotions as he read her the story "Someday" that describes perfectly how I feel about her. We ran a few errands in between feedings. My mom was impressed that I was out running errands 48 hours after having a baby. I just laughed... it's my personality. I don't know how to relax or sit still. I always have to be moving and accomplishing. We went back at 6 and did her feeding. When I put her back in the isolate she was wide awake and looking right at me. My heart broke in two and I finally wasn't able to stay strong anymore. I cried. Mike was surprised and didn't know what to do. I never cry, he never has to console me. I'm to "strong" to let my emotions get to me to often. But this time I couldn't help it, I had to leave my beautiful, tiny little girl all alone with people who didn't love her like I did. I reminded myself that I was not the first person to leave my child and that I was lucky that she wasn't sick, just tiny. I prayed that she would feel my love for her through the night and that she would know that I wanted to be with her. It was hard to leave her, but I finally pulled myself together enough to leave. We ran to target before coming home. Megan and Nate stopped by with some baby essentials for us. So kind. We have just been so blessed by others.

 

Saturday Dec 14th

We went to the hospital for the 9am feeding. They told me she had lost weight again and that her bilirubin had gone up again and that they were going to put her under the lights for 24 hours. After we feed her they undressed her, put little goggles on her and turned on the lights. She whimpered for a few minutes. She did not like having the goggles on. It broke my heart. I also hated that I wasn't able to pick her up and hold her when I wanted since she had to be under the lights. I went home between feeding and grabbed my iPod to put in the isolate so she would have something calming to listen. I didn't want her to feel like she was alone. She couldn't see anything because of the goggles so she couldn't see that people were close by. I wanted her to at least have something she could hear. We savored all the feeding when we were allowed to get her out and hold her for a minute. As hard as it was we would put her back in as soon as possible so that she could get the most time under the lights. This was in hope of her only needing to be under them for one day. Since she wasn't as alert as she had been the past few days we felt like she needed to have a priesthood blessing. It was such a sweet moment for me as I held her in my arms and Mike gave her a blessing that she would grow stronger each day and come home to us soon. I could feel the great love of Heavenly Father for this special, choice spirit that has come to our home. I knew that now she would be on the right track and was confident we would see progress soon.

Sunday Dec 15th

I went over before church so I could see her. I held her little hand from inside the isolate since it wasn't time to feed her. My mom came over to do the 9am feeding so I could go to church with Mike. A lot of people were surprised I was there. I felt like that was where I should be after the week I had. I had missed church the week before since I was in the hospital; and I figured once the baby came home I wouldn't be able to go for a while. My heart was also so full of gratitude and thanks to my Heavenly Father that I had to go and worship him. We left before the third hour so we could go see Eden. Her bilirubin number was down so she was allowed to be out of the lights, but she lost weight so she had to stay in the isolate. This was progress though, so I took it as a win. My mom and I stayed at the hospital with her the rest of the day. Feeding and watching her. There wasn't anything else I'd rather be doing.





 

Monday Dec 16th

She lost a tiny bit of weight the night before, but not a lot. She had been doing well with her temp so she was allowed to come out of the isolate. That meant we'd be able to hold her a little more. She was still taking her sweet time eating and so I had to stop nursing her so that I didn't make her to tired before she was given the formula. We were trying all types of tricks to make her eat more. We also held our breath each time we took her temp, hoping it would be high enough to keep her out of the bassinet Mike came over on his lunch brake and helped with the noon feeding. Mom and I again stayed till 7 with a quick trip to Target in between feedings. We were able to hold her more since she was in a bassinet. It was fun to play with her a bit more. We noticed she had a little pirate face she would make by keeping on eye open and one eye closed. She also would fight sleep if we were holding her. This would result in her eyes being open just the tinniest bit as she was going in and out of sleep. Cutest thing ever.

Tuesday Dec 17th

When I got to the hospital in the morning they told her she had again lost a tiny bit of weight (we are talking 9 grams.) However, her body temperature was still pretty good. They had done the car seat test on her and she had passed with flying colors. Now we just needed her to get her weight up. Then we could take her home. To help her gain weight they put her on a high calorie formula. I'm pretty sure she doesn't like it given the faces she makes when we give it to her. lol. The nurse that was assigned to her that day was great. She taught me a few feeding tricks. I have to remember feeding is a business, especially with a light weight like her. So I had to buckle down and stop cuddling her to much while I feed her, that was to relaxing and putting her to sleep. She didn't eat great, but she did better than the day before. Mom and I have a routine now. We stay most of the day but sneak out between one feeding to run errands. I'm SOO glad I have my mom with me. It makes being there so much easier when you don't feel like your all alone. Not to mention after 5 kids she is the baby whisperer and knows ALL the baby tricks. I don't know what I would do with out her.








 
 Wednesday Dec, 18th

She gained weight! A whole 5 grams but it was good enough to get us on the up swing. The doctor said if she gained a lot of weigh today she could probably go home tomorrow. We kept her on track at each feeding. I would nurse her for 5 min and she would do such a good job with that. Then my mom would feed her while I pumped. She was drinking at least 40 mls each feeding as where yesterday she was lucky to do 30 ml (Monday she was only doing 20-30mls so this was big progress.) I did some skin to skin time with her for 2 hours after her 3 o'clock feeding. It was such a sweet special time I wonder why I didn't do it before. I sang to her and talked to her and almost feel asleep with her. She woke up a few times to fuss a bit, probably because she was to hot, but she always went right back to sleep after I told her she was ok. It was one of those moments I'll always cherish. Rocking my sweet tiny little one. She'll never believe she was once able to fit so snugly on my chest. When I said goodbye to her that night I told her she wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom till after they weighed her. We were hoping for a big weight gain so that she could come home with us the next day. They typically weigh them around 9pm. So at about 9:45pm I called to see how the 9pm feeding went and see what the weight was. I about feel off my chair when they told me she gained 64 grams!! We were soo excited. We had a pretty good feeling they'd let her go home in the morning. I decided to celebrate I would skip my 3am pumping session and get one last 6 hour stretch of sleep before she came home :)

Thursday Dec 19th

When we got to the hospital the NICU staff was really busy so we started the feeding. We were so anxious for someone to come tell us what the plan was. When the nurse, Kristin, finally came in she asked what our plan was for taking her home. We were so excited we basically squealed. I told the nurse we wanted to take her home as soon as possible. I texted Mike and told him the good news and he wrapped up a few things and came to the hospital. It felt like it took forever to fill out all the paper work and go through the motions of discharge. The one thing I was extra excited about was having all the leads and wires taken off of her. It is going to be so much easier to handle her without those on her. They gave us all the info we needed and a nurse walked the baby down to the car. I almost couldn't believe she was coming home with me! When we finally got situated I sat down on the couch and held her in my arms. I almost cried. It felt SO good to hold my little one on my own couch in my home. It was finally real. She was here and she was mine. Life had finally begun. I'm so much more nervous about taking care of her than I thought I would be. I'm worried that if I let her out of my sight for 5 seconds somethings might happen. I just have to remind myself that babies survive with far worse parents than me and that I will catch on, and quick. I finally understand that deep, powerful, overwhelming love that parents talk about. I would do anything for this little one and feel so lucky to be her mommy. I'm looking forward to this great journey called parenthood. :)

 

 


 
 

  

On The Day You Were Born

*I won't post many pictures of myself, but of course I have to post a few. I just ask that you don't judge me to harshly. One of the symptoms of preeclampsia is severe edema (swelling) and it especially is noticeably in my face which was about twice as big as it normally is.

I have to admit, when I imagined giving birth I didn't ever picture it being confined to a bed in a borderline hallucinate state. I always wanted a nice quite, calm birth experience. I didn't want to be the person yelling through contractions and screaming while pushing. I wanted to relax and work with my body to bring my child into the world into as clam of an environment as possible. I wanted to do it on my own. I didn't want to be induced or have an epidural. I hoped the baby would decide when she was ready and I would go into labor. I wanted to do as much of it at home as possible then go to the hospital and finish without an epidural. The biggest reason for not wanting the epidural was because I was scared of the needle. I'm a wuss. I bought the hypnobabies home study course and CDs to help promote this calm, natural, medication free birthing experience. I knew as soon as I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension that I would be induced. Once I developed preeclampsia I knew there was a serious chance of a csection. That's when my plans changed a little. I still wanted it to be as calm as possible for baby girl, anything after that I didn't care as much about since both her life and mine were at risk.

I spent the night trying to get as much sleep as I could. It wasn't easy though, I was pretty uncomfortable. I was having very mild contractions in addition to the awkwardness of the catheter. Not to mention the compression leggings they put on me to prevent blood clots. Additionally, I had to make a conscious effort to keep both arms straight. One had the BP cuff on and if my arm was bent would give an inaccurate reading. The other had the IV in it. Since I was so swollen the only place they could stick the IV was the vein in the crook of my arm and if I bent it the IV would stop working and would also sting. The magnesium also started to really set in by the morning. I was so dizzy I couldn't keep my eyes open to long and when I did open them it could only be one eye at a time because with two eyes I couldn't focus. It was rough.

 Mike was so good to me though, the perfect husband. Getting me things I needed or asked for and just keeping me company. One of the doctors from my practice came in at 8am and told me they wanted to remove the cervital early, I was suppose to have it in for 12 hours and still had 2.5 hours left`so I was surprised. He checked and said I was dilated to a 1 and was 60% effaced. They waited half an hour then put me on pitocine. I started to feel the contractions a little more but they were easy to manage. My friend Amanda stopped by to see me around 10 which was really nice. I needed something to help keep my mind off of things. The doctors came in at 11 to check my progress again and I was at a 3 so they decided to break my water. They were really anxious to speed things along. {They did not tell me this at the time because they didn't want to scare me but looking back at the way they did things and some of the comments the nurses made to me after I delivered I'm pretty confident that they were very concerned about me. I saw some of my BP reading that we 170/110 and above.} After they broke my water I started to have very strong powerful pressure waves (hypnobirthing term.) I never had time to finish all the hypnobaby classes I was taking at home so I did the best I could to apply the little I did know. Each time I had a wave I relaxed as much as possible, closed my eyes and thought happy, positive birthing thoughts. Mike found something online about breathing through the pressure waves. Inhale slowly, then exhale pushing the breath down, then releasing the breath into the air. Surprisingly this was pretty effective. I also had Mike turn on the Kenneth Cope Pandora station. It was a really spiritual experience as so many on the songs played were favorites of mine. I knew I needed the Lords help to get me safely through this situation. The song "I Need Thee Every Hour" has always been a favorite of mine, but the words brought an extra amount of comfort at that time. Mike also downloaded the song "Eden's Garden" which is a special song to us and where we got baby girls name. It was a really spiritual/special two and a half hours as I waited to be check for my progress.

By the time they came to check me the pressure waves were so strong it was getting harder and harder to breath through them. I had made the mental decision that if I was past a 5 I would keep going without medicine. Anytime less and I would get the epidural. When I was 3.5 cm and 100% effaced I asked for the epidural. I thought if I had only progressed .5 in 2.5 hours I would keep going like this for 10 hours. They checked my progress before putting the epidural in and I was at a 5. I was pretty pleased that I had progressed 1.5 cm in 45 min. After they put the epidural in I told them I didn't know if it was working 100%, my right side felt fine but there was a lot of pressure on my left side. They had the anesthesiologist come back down to check it out, and possibly redo it. At 2:45 he arrived and I tried to describe the discomfort I was having. He looked  a little confused as I was talking to him, then he said "is the pain in your abdominal area or somewhere else? Because you just had a contraction and it seemed not to bother you. At that point I said, "Well I guess if I think about it, it is more behind me than in front of me. I feel like I need to use the restroom, maybe I need to have a bowel movement?" {BTW: I hate talking about stuff like this, but I swear you really do loose all your inhibitions during child birth.

They decided to check my progress and I was at an 8, so they called the doctor to come in. Mike called my mom and she was about to cross the tapan zee bridge. She was now worried she was going to miss the baby's birth. Dr. Bodnar, who I hoped would be the one to deliver the baby, came in a little after three. She was so calm and chill and talked about what would happen next. She had me do one round of practice pushes to show me what it would be like. By 3:20 I was at a 10 and ready to start the real pushing. My mom made it into the room at 3:30, she was really wired/stressed from her long journey and I told her to take a deep breath and calm down. I was still really calm and collected and I needed everyone else in the room to be the same. I gave her our nice camera and some instructions on how to take the pictures. Now that my mom was here and the cameras were ready to go it was time to get down to business. I did 4 more rounds of pushing before baby girl appeared. I never knew how far encouragement from my mom,the nurses and doctors would get me. It was them telling me how well I was doing and encouraging me to keep going that made the biggest difference to me. Mike was close by, although I had asked that he stand back a little, I didn't want him to pass out. Without me asking her actually recorded some really precious moments during her birth and the first time I held her which I will be forever grateful for.

When they tossed her onto my belly I was to worried about if she was breathing well enough to fully take in the moment. I knew she was a premie and would need extra medical attention and was anxious to hear that she was breathing well and seemed to look healthy at first glance. They took her over to clean her up and my mom and Mike followed close behind. Since there was a NICU team as well as the people who helped deliver the baby in the room it was pretty crowded and I frantically looked around for Mike. I was anxious to see what his reaction to the birth of our little girl was. Sadly, I couldn't see him. Once they determined that she was breathing well enough they wrapped her up and put her in my arms. I knew it was the last time I'd be able to hold her for 24 hours and I had a really hard time letting go of her. I knew she would be in good hands in the NICU and that her dad and grandma would love on her enough for me, but I would be lying if I said it didn't break my heart a little.

With preeclampsia the 24 hours after giving birth are just as dangerous as giving birth. For this reason I had to stay on the magnesium confined to my bed for the next 24 hours. The doctor stitched me up and delivered my placenta and even showed it to me. I was actually curious to know what it looked like after it had caused me so many problems. After 30 min the NICU called and told us Eden weight 4 lbs 15 oz and was 18 inches long.

Shortly after the NICU called Mike and my mom went upstairs to see her. I was so happy that they were able to facetime me in on all the action so that I felt like I was there with them. I was happy to see that she didn't need any oxygen and was looking really good. I just smiled as I watched her. I was captivated with every little movement. She was perfect.

That night my mom and Mike went upstairs to say goodnight to her. They facetimed me and I sang her a few lullabyes before bed. Mike told my mom that he was going to take a minute to day goodnight to her alone. He didn't come back down for 45 min. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall. He had fallen in love with his little girl faster than I think he ever imagine. He told me later that when she was born her got pretty emotional. It made my heart melt. I never imagine how much my love for him would grow as I watched him fall in love with our daughter. There is nothing sweeter in all the world.

My mom stayed with me that night so that Mike could get a good night sleep after being at the hospital the night before. I was sooo grateful to have my mom there. She took such good care of me and loved on me and helped make me feel better. I think they increased the level of magnesium I was on because I was so dizzy and week. I could barely feed myself. Although I wasn't even allowed to eat anything but clear foods, so it was really just lemon Italian ice I could barley feed myself. The catheter didn't even bother me anymore because I was to weak to notice it. It was a really rough 24 hours post birth. Thankfully, between the nurses, my mom and Mike I felt very well taken care of. I was anxious to get off the meds and go upstairs and hold my little girl.

Baby Time....

On Monday I was so anxious to get out of the hospital. My BP had been high but not to concerning all weekend and I was confident that I would loose my mind if I had to stay. I just wanted to go home. Early that morning my Dr had stopped in to see me and he made it sound like I'd be able to go home as long as my BP stayed down and my test came back ok, I was giddy. Later morning they wheeled me down to the high risk doctor area and did the NST and BPB. As usual the baby looked great. I was confident I'd be able to go home. I packed my bags and waited till about 2:30 when the high risk doctor came to see me. He told me all my tests looked great and that I would be able to go home if I would promise to do a few things. One, I had to take my BP every 4 hours and if the top number was about 160 or the bottom number above 105 that I had to call my doctor. I also was given a list of other symptoms I had to call if I started to experience (headache that didn't go away with medicine, change in vision, bleeding, ect.) Two, I had to promise I wouldn't be alone for very long. One of the side effects of high BP is stroke or seizure and it could come on with no warning. He wanted to make sure if that happened someone would be with me to get help. Finally, I had to go into the office for testing twice a week. We talked about delivery options. He said for sure before new years but maybe earlier if anything changed, we would monitor data and play it by ear. Mentally I was thinking between 36 and 37 weeks would be ideal. By then she would be strong enough to avoid going to the NICU at birth. I also asked about my activity level once I was at home, I didn't know if I was on strict bed rest or what. My dad was worried about blood clots from bed rest and I mentioned that to him. He said he was not putting me on bed rest, I could leave the house if I needed. I was SUPER GIDDY!! I was going home AND I wasn't going to be a prisoner!  I was finally discharged at 4:30. Mike drove me home and I felt like I had just busted out of jail. He left for class a little while later so I took advantage of him being gone to wrap all the presents that had come for him in the mail while I was at the hospital. It was fun, but I had a small headache and was really tired. I was worried my BP had gone up but it was still in the same range. Mike got back from class and we talked a little about how crazy it was to think we'd have a baby at home in 2 or 3 weeks. It amazes me that you are pregnant for so long but I'm not sure it ever really sinks in that you are going to be a parent till AFTER t.he baby comes. We cuddled on the couch and watched "The great Christmas Light Show Challenge." Mike loves light shows so it was fun to watch. We even made a cup of hot coca to top it off. After that was over we feel asleep watching Home Alone 2. It was a great night, I had no idea it would be our last relaxing evening at home before the baby...

Tuesday morning I woke up with a huge kink in my neck and a headache to match it. I took my BP and my first reading was 171/97. I almost cried. I didn't want to go back to the hospital! I ran into the bathroom and made Mike let me take his BP before he was even able to dry off from his shower. I wanted to make sure the thing was working right. Unfortunately it was because his BP was perfect. Since it was only 8am I decided to wait till 9 when the doctor opened to take it again and if it wasn't down I would call the doctor. Luckily when I took it at 9 it was down to 153/94. Not great, but I didn't have to call. I took a shower, made plans for someone to come pick up the TV we were selling and started some laundry. Since I wasn't suppose to be alone my mom facetimed me till Amanda came to pick me up. We had a few baby things we wanted to do and I needed to get out for a little field trip. We went to Carters to get some newborn clothes since it was very likely that we would fit into her 0-3 month clothes if she came in the next 2 weeks. We also went to old navy to return something and Bed Bath and Beyond to look at diaper bags. They didn't have the two I was trying to decide between so I looked around at some other things and remembered I needed a swaddle sack. I also picked up another aden and anais burp bib because I was so in love with them. Then we headed to the mall. As the day was going along my headache was getting more pronounced. I got a salad at subway and sat down to eat. I knew needed to take my BP again but since I was tired and had a headache I was nervous about what it would say. I took it and it was 162/104.... that was not good. I told Amanda it would be best if I just did the returns we had planned then head home. We made our returns and of course stopped by baby gap to see if they had anything cute out. I got home around 2:45. I sat down on the couch and tried to relax before taking my BP again. I threw all the baby clothes I just bought in the wash and chatted with my brother before taking my BP. When I finally took it I got a reading of 163/98. My top number was still high but my bottom number was going down. I also was concerned about my headache. I decided I needed to take medicine to see if it went away.  I waited a half hour and took it again. It was 162/102. I knew I needed to call the doctor. After calling and telling them what was going on she told me just to go to the hospital to have the same kind of testing done. They wanted to make sure my urine and blood work looked good. She said pack a bag just in case and head over. I called Mike and told him and he said he would leave work and come take me. At this point it had been 45 min since I had taken the medicine for my headache and it hadn't gone away. I was starting to get a little nervous that something was happening. After packing my bag I folded my clean newborn clothes and put them away before Mike arrived. When we got to the hospital they put me in Labor and Delivery and started all the normal test (urine sample, blood work, NST, BPB.) The resident talked to me and told kind of told us that if it looked like I had preeclampsia that I would be induced.... tonight. That kind of put us in a little bit of shock. Mike was really surprised that that COULD even happen. BUT that wasn't 100% certain, I'd had several of these done and it always came back good. So I was thinking it was a toss up. The only thing that made me nervous was the headache. I sent Mike home to get a few things while we waited on the blood results to come in. At about 7 the nurses came in to tell me that my doctor was on his was over to discuss the lab results with me. At that point I figured it was baby time. Mike got here shortly after and I prepared him. If my doctor was coming to the hospital at 7pm to see me, it was probably to tell me we needed to induce labor. As predicted a few minutes later Dr Lenney came in and told me there was protein in my urine. That combined with my headache and high BP was a preeclampsia diagnosis and at 34.5 weeks it was safer both myself and the baby if we induced me TONIGHT! That was a lot to take it. We asked a lot of questions about my health and the babies and they did a great job answering all my questions. The game plan was to give me cervital for 12 hours to soften my uterus. I would also be given magnesium sulfate for my high blood pressure to help prevent seizure. Then in 12 hours they would start me on pitocin.

I called my mom to let her know she would need to leave in the morning. Mike called his friend to ask if he would come help give me a blessing. I was really nervous about what was going to happen during delivery and needed the peace and comfort of my Heavenly Father. Justin and Jason showed up 30 min later in their Sunday clothes and Mike gave me a sweet blessing of comfort. Then they gave Mike a blessing of comfort. I could feel my Heavenly Fathers love and peace so strongly in those sweet moments that I knew everything was going to be ok and that the baby and I would be fine. I/m so glad I have the Lord to lean on in my life. I know he has been with me these past few weeks and will continue to be with me now, even more so as I deliver our little girl.

Extended Stay

If you read this post then you may know I have been having some problems with my blood pressure. That is such a weird thing for me to think. Three weeks ago I didn't even know what was considered a good BP or a bad. All I knew about it was that I was always complimented for my great blood pressure any time I went to the doctor. After writing that post this is what has gone down.

Friday Nov 28th we had a growth and development ultrasound at the hospital as well as a non stress test. For both tests baby girl looked great. They thought she was around 4lbs 12 oz which put her in the 50th percentile. Perfect.

That weekend I tried to take it fairly easy so I wouldn't swell to much. I tried to go to the mall on black Friday and only lasted an hour or so. I could feel the water moving around under the skin on the top of my foot. So weird and gross. My fingers got super swollen and blotchy. That was new. So I went home and finished my Christmas shopping online, as I should have done in the first place.

On Monday I went to work and was in a 4th grade class. I wasn't really able to put my feet up so by 2pm they were pretty swollen. I went to the office and asked the nurse to take my BP for me. It was 160 over 102 or something (for the record normal BP is 120 over 60. High for pregnancy is 140/90.) So I was really high. Luckily, I had a Dr. appt that afternoon. By the time I went in my top number was a little lower but my bottom number was a little high. So my Dr. sent me back to the hospital for the same type of testing I had had the past week. I was in and out in two hours. My BP went back down and baby girl was looking fantastic. I was told no work on Tues and Wed and that I had to collect a 24 hour urine sample on Wed and bring it with me to my next Dr appt on Thursday. I was also told to monitor my BP at home and that if I got a reading for the top number over 150 or the bottom number over 100 that I needed to call my DR. So home I went prepared to take it easy

Tuesday I kept things pretty low key. I worked on the computer and watched TV. I kept track of my BP and it was beautiful (for me) 130/80 or lower. Score. Wed. I felt a little ambitious. I had my friend Amanda come over and we went to Trader Joes together then I made a quick lunch and we chatted the afternoon away. While she was over I took  my BP and dang it, it was high... I thought I was doing it wrong so I took it several times... still high. So I called the Dr. and they told me to come in. They took my BP at the office and it had come down a bit so they sent me home to finish my 24 hour collection and told me no work on Thursday and to come back first thing in the morning to be check out.

Thursday (12/5/13) I took my BP when I woke up in the morning and my heart sank a little when it was in the 150's/110's Yikes. It was still high at my appt. They put me on the monitors then my doctor came in to talk with me. She said since I was 33 week and 6 days that they could still give me steroids for the baby's lungs but that 34 weeks was the cut off. She told me her gut was telling her I was going to have to deliver early and she would feel better getting me on those steroids. She told me I was going to need to go back to the hospital but this time I would need to be admitted and stay for 48 hours of observation. WHAT? Admitted? 48 hours. NO!! Didn't she know my dear friend Amanda was having her baby shower Saturday morning and that I was in charge of the food!! I was so disappointed for several reasons. She told me I could go home and have breakfast pack a few things then I needed to go to the hospital, I had an hour. So I went home and rushed around the house frantically finishing some last minute things for Amanda's shower and putting everything in a bag for someone to pick up and use.Then I threw together a bag with some clothes and a bag with some books. I looked around at the house glad it was clean and that I had everything in order so I wouldn't feel like I was missing out on doing things at home. I mean even all the laundry was done, that NEVER happens, especially on a weekday. These realizations have been tender mercies as I have started to reflect on how the hand of the Lord has been guiding me, unbeknownst to me, for several weeks to get my life in order so that I wouldn't be panicking about things. Luckily, my friend Megan had planned to stop by for a quick visit and she was able to take me to the hospital. I had another quick, albeit maybe to personal tender mercy as I was walking out the door. I grabbed my keys out of habit, then said Mike will want these to drive my car while I'm in the hospital so I'll just leave them. Then I locked the door and headed to the car. At that moment I remembered I had my 24 hour urine collection in the backseat of my car that I was suppose to take to the hospital with me. It needed to be "fresh" so I had to have it. I am religious about ALWAYS locking my car so I knew it wouldn't be open, but felt like I needed to just try to open the door... and what do you know. It was unlocked. It sounds silly but I know it was another blessing.

When I got to the hospital it was around 11:30. I was sent to labor and delivery and told I would be hooked up to a monitor for an hour or so then I would be moved to maternity for the rest of my observations. They made me put on the gown... I hate the gown... lol. Then hooked me up. They drew lots of blood, put an IV in me (which took two tries since my arms are so swollen,) then they gave me the steroid shot for the baby. That thing was no joke, it hurt like crazy after the medicine started to sink in. After a while Amanda came by to keep me company since Mike was really busy at work. She stayed with me till they wheeled me down to the ground floor to the high risk Dr. for another growth ultrasound.

 I met the high risk Dr., Dr Boddy, and he did a great job of trying to explain everything to me. As of right now I have gestational hypertension. That is a fancy way of saying high blood pressure caused by pregnancy. To be more specific they believe it is actually caused by an abnormality in my placenta. As you may know the placenta is made out of a lot of blood and is what carries blood to the baby's umbilical cord. For some reason this abnormality caused MY blood veins to constrict making them work harder to pump blood, which leads to the blood being pumped to fast. When blood is pumped to fast for to long it can cause some serious damage to your organs and cause things as serious as stroke or seizures. This condition is decided from the moment of conception. It lays dormant, unable to be detected until usually the third trimester. They don't know a lot about the causes and the only treatment for the mother is delivery of the baby. Unfortunately, when it is detected this early delivery is not an option (unless I start having signs of serious health problems like organ damage or preeclampsia.) I keep hearing different things but it doesn't seem that my activity level causes my BP to rise or that eating salty food will cause it to rise as it is not due to my lifestyle that I have HBP it is because of my pregnancy. Dr. Bobby told me they would keep monitoring my BP and that I would stay the night in labor and delivery and stay on the monitors to watch the baby. I had some abnormal results in my blood work for my liver so they wanted to do more blood work to be sure that something wasn't changing drastically. Mike came by after work and spent the evening with me. My room was big and the nurses very friendly. The only bad thing was the bed... it was so uncomfortable. I got a total of 4 hours of sleep Thursday night.

Friday (12/6/13) They put me on the monitor first thing in the morning. I thought I was only going to be on for an hour or so but I ended up being on it until 4:30 when they moved me to maternity. Friday I wrote my letter to school telling them I would be starting my maternity leave. My mom facetimed me a lot and kept me company. I also had my visiting teacher Amanda D stop by for a bit in the morning. In the afternoon Amanda  E. came by, then my coworker Elise stopped in. I felt so loved and the visitors were so wonderful. It really does mean so much to simply have company. That night Dr. Bobby came in and told me they would keep me till Monday and continue to monitor me throughout the weekend. Then we would decide what the best course of care would be and when/if we would deliver early. Kind of a let down to think I was going home Saturday but then be told I'd have to stay the weekend. That night Brett and Ashley stopped by to say "hi" and Brett helped Mike give me a blessing. I have the best home and visiting teachers ever.

Saturday (12/7/13) Life in maternity is a lot better than in labor and delivery. The room is a bit more cozy, they have a snack room and I am aloud to walk to get my own water. I only have to be on the monitors two times a day for an hour each and they check my BP every 4 hours instead of leaving a cuff on all day. Dr. Vitto from my practice stopped by in the morning to see how I was feeling. He told me not to be discouraged if I had to stay longer than I was planning to. Not what I wanted to hear. Saturday was a bit boring as Mike had school work to finish up and all my friends had weekend plans. Ashley and Brett stopped by again to lend me a laptop so I could take my psychology final while in the hospital. My BP was good as well as my blood work. Baby girl again passed her tests with flying colors. Mike and I had our favorite pizza place deliver dinner to the room, just to make it feel like it was kind of a normal Saturday night.

Sunday (12/8/2013) Dr. Lenny stopped by early in the morning to check on me. He told me since my BP had been pretty good and my lab work was looking good that I would probably be able to go home on Monday, YAY! After getting up and walking around a little I was feeling sick, like I ate to much junk the night before. While I know pizza isn't healthy I only had one piece and was surprised it had made me feel so gross. I figured it would go away after breakfast, but it didn't. Along with that my blood pressure started to go up again. I started to feel very discouraged and nervous that they would not let me go home. My friend Corinne stopped by before church and my visiting teacher Julie came by after church. Since Mike had to spend a lot of the day working on his final project for his Monday night class he wasn't able to come by till late, so the company really helped keep my mind off my BP, upset stomach and headache. I decided to take a nap and try to sleep it off, when I woke up I had dinner (my first meal all day) and I finally felt a bit better. Jordan and Amanda came by, then Julie came back with some delicious veggies (I had been telling her how much I missed good veggies and not the gross hospital kind, best VT ever.) The resident came in to check on me when her shift started at 7pm and she told me that even though my BP had went up then went back down that I was still on track to go home. She attributed the way I had felt that day to just laying around all day. That made me giddy! It is such a roller coaster of emotion. I just want to go home and sleep in my own bed. Mike finally came and we spent some time together before Bishop Merritt and his wife stopped by to check in. Again, I can't get over how many visitors I have been blessed to have and how much it really does mean to know others are thinking of you and taking time from their day to see you. 

Fingers crossed we will know more in the morning...

Pregnancy Update: Weeks 28-33

                   

                 

How far along: 34 weeks and 2 days

Total weight gain: 45 lbs (but most of that has come in the past two-three weeks due to water retention and swelling caused by my gestational hypertension.)

Maternity clothes:  loving my striped shirts from old navy, my gap maternity black pants and any oversized t-shirts of Mikes that

doesn't hug my belly. My feet only fit in my moccasins because they are so swollen.

Stretch marks: Nope, not yet. Fingers crossed :)

Sleep: Most of the time I sleep very soundly. I'm not even using a huge fort of pillows to prop myself up or support myself like I thought I would. I can usually fall back asleep pretty quick after one of my many trips tot he restroom each night. 

Best moment of this week: Mike and I had a 3D ultra sound and got to see Baby Girls squishy little face. When we first started looking she had her eyes open which was just crazy! Then she shut her eyes and put both hands infront of her face and started sucking on one of them. This made getting a good picture of her face tricky but the tech got one I was pleased with. I know she won't look exactly like that when she gets here but I'm so excited to put some type of picture to the bouncing ball of energy in my belly. She looks like she has cubby cheeks and I can't wait to kiss them all over.

Miss anything: I miss not having to worry about my blood pressure and as of this week I miss going to the gym since that is officially off they able. I loved going to the gym and feeling like I was getting a good work out. I also loved the funny looks I was starting to get when I was there. People would do a double take of me to see if I wash at or pregnant, some would even laugh and shake their heads. It made me feel good to know I was pushing my body and preparing it to have the endurance needed for delivery.

Movement: As I mentioned, all the time. She finally moved it, but for a while her foot was in my right rib cage which was really uncomfortable, especially after eating. This made Thanksgivng dinner even that much harder to recover from. My stomach didn't have much rooms to put the large meal and her foot in my rib made it harder to breath to help digest everything, or something like that.
Food cravings: hum, I still live peanut butter on banana but don't HAVE to have it. I get random foods I want for dinner but once I eat them the craving is sustained and I don't have to continue eating it all the time. For example the other day I really wanted roast asparagus so I made some for dinner and they were delicious but I didn't have to have them the next meal. I really LOVE cold, crunchy, semi-sweet cereal with milk. Peppermint joe jokes are delicious but that's a seasonal craving I think.

Anything making you queasy or sick: My high blood pressure is not good and can make me very sick very fasts but I don't FEEL sick, so that's good.

Have you started to show yet: yes
Gender: Still a girl
Labor signs:  Just some friendly and frequent Braxton hicks contractions but they aren't painful so I'm happy.

Belly button in or out: Well it's not really in, but it hasn't popped out. It is just part of my round belly.

 Wedding rings on or off: off :( my fingers are way to swollen, especially at night.

Looking forward to: Having her here and snuggling with her. 

33 Weeks

My walk lately is just a walk. I still got it... ok, maybe sometimes I waddle, but mostly I walk :)

The time I feel most connected to this baby is when she is making wave upon wave in my belly. There is nothing I love more than watching my belly move all around and feeling her move inside.

I keep daydreaming about what she will look like: whose nose she will have, will she have any hair, ect. 

The first thing I will do when I meet this baby is kiss her all over and count all her fingers and toes. But I have to admit that moment doesn't feel real. I can't imagine actually holding her. It all just seems like a dream.

Baby, I hope the way you handle yourself in the world one day will be mostly with confidence in yourself, your talents, you ability to over come adversity and your testimony that though Christ you can do hard things. I think if you remember these things you will have success in all you set out to achieve and will be a beautiful young women.

32 Weeks
At this point, this baby is an active little one and I love it ( I know I keep saying this but it is true and one of the only things I know about her for sure so I'm sticking to it. She also gets the hiccups a ton.
My favorite activity at the moment is getting the nursery ready. I've even made some wall art in photo shop that I hung I there.
Something I don't miss about my pre- pregnancy life that surprises me is that at least now when I eat a larger meal I don't have to suck in my stomach to hide the evidence that I just ate to much. But that's about it. Life is changing and its exciting. There isn't reason to look back. That's why I waited so long to have a baby is so I wouldn't have any regrets and so far I couldn't be happier with my choice of timing.
During labor delivery (per my hypnobirthing terminology) I want so badly to be able to relax with my body through the pressure waves and work with my body and not against it.  I think it will help if I am able to finish all my hypnobirthing cd's and so that I can more fully understand and practice self hypnosis.
Baby, if your friends let you down someday, as people sometimes do, remember that people aren't perfect, they make mistakes and we need to try to forgive and move on. Also never forget that your parents and sibling will always be here for you. As well as your Heavenly Father. What you are feeling really alone read D&C 122 and remember that we can endure much with the help of The Lord. He will never leave us completely alone

                        

31 Weeks
What I'm packing for the birth includes -- wait, I should already be thinking about this? I still have several weeks!
What Mike did lately that saved the day was drive to the grocery store at 9:30 pm on Saturday night to pick up chicken for Sunday dinner since I had forgotten to do it that day. In return I made some killer tortilla like soup! So delicious.
My wardrobe is down to moccasins for shoes, maternity pants and over sized t-shirts.
For the baby this week, we bought... Nothing, nut I had my baby shower this Saturday (11/17/2013) and we got tons of cute baby clothes that il I've. He aunt Cynda and uncle Ben got her an awesome bouncer swing combo that I'm sure she'll love!
Baby, something I'd like to try to do for you is keep a good record of what your life was like when you were a child. Silly thing you said and did, favorite toys and games, funny anecdotes, those types of things. I wish I had a record of things like this for myself so I will try to do it for you rand your siblings.

                                               

Week 30
My family is pretty cute about this whole pregnancy thing. I can tell they are all getting excited for the baby to arrive.
Something I'm really learning about Mike through this pregnancy is he is very quick to do things for me when I ask but is not always so good about furring out what needs to be done without being asked. He's not a mind reader and I have to remember that so I just need to remember that if I ask he will help.
I am learning that I am the kind of person that can do anything when I out my mind to it (but I already kind of knew that, it's just been reinforced to me.
I want to be the kind of mother who is respected by her children while at the same time they know that if there is a problem they can always turn to me and I will give them loving, inspired council.
All this baby gear makes me nutty, where am I suppose to put it all and what is absolutely ESSENTIAL?
Baby, I will always treat you like you are a daughter of God who has been in trusted into my care for this short period of mortal life

29 Weeks

This baby kicks all the time, I hope she sleeps for me when she finally comes.
For me heartburn is ever present.
The pregnancy symptom challenging me the most right now is heartburn and sometimes finger swelling (especially overnight.)
After this baby comes I probably won't be able to go out to dinner alone with Mike as much so we are getting  it out of our system now. We are trying to try new places and scouting out which places are kid friendly. It's a fun weekend date night and it gives me a night off of cooking.
My plans for the first few months after birth include lots of cuddling/snuggling and loving on baby before I have to do student teaching. Oh and playing a lot of dress up :)
Baby, being our kid is going to be a wild ride. You have to remember that you are our first and you don't come with an instruction manual. So we are going to do the best we can and love you to death, but we may make mistakes, and so will you. So we will have to forgive each other of our imperfections  and love each other while we all do our best to get through this life ;)

28 Weeks

In the last trimester, it's feeling like this is actually going to happen.... Crazy.
We want a pediatrician who is... I haven't even though about a pediatrician yet, should I?
The baby names on our list are Eden McKell, but Mike likes McKell as a first name for maybe another baby girl. I think Eden needs a two syllable middle name, and I can't think of anything else (that has as much meaning. McKell is a mix of my maiden name and Michaels name, MCK(McKnight)ell(MichaEL) we also read it was the girl version of the bane Michael. So we'll see what happens.
This baby moves most after I have something sweet, maybe she is developing a sweet tooth like her mom. But she's pretty active all the time, not just after I eat sweets.
Baby, there is something you should know about your parents. We're already madly in love with you. We can't wait to start our family with you as our eldest. We know there is a reason Heavenly Father is sending your sweet spirit to our family first.