"Suffer the Children to Come to Me"

I should be cooking dinner right now, but as I brown the hamburger meat my mind drifts to the events of yesterday. So many thoughts rush threw my mind and I'm lost in a sea of disbelief. It's not until I smell the burning meat that I snap back to the task at hand. But I can't cook dinner right now, I can't bake Christmas cookies, all i can do is watch footage and read articles about those lost in the shooting yesterday.

When something tragic happens like this I feel like I'm not allowed to show grief or talk about it because it didn't happen directly to me. This was not my school, those where not my children or students. I do not know anyone personally who was effected. I always feel like those are the people who should be allowed to show grief or pain, not me. But this time I can't help it. I think probably because it hits so close to home. Newton is only 45 min away from us and only 30 min from the school where I work. The town and school are in our stake boundaries. There is a sweet family in my stake who lost their beautiful daughter in the shooting. I didn't know them personally, although I did recognize them in a picture I saw on NBC's coverage. I keep imaging their pain, and the pain of the rest of the families who lost loved ones. My heart just breaks over and over.

One thing that has touched me tremendously are the reports of the bravery of the teachers. Being a Kindergarten teacher I can't help but think, "what would I have done", or "what would I do if this happened to me." I heard the story of one teacher who hid her students in closest and cabinets. When the gunman entered the room she told them the kids were in the gym, then he killed her. That is heroism and bravery. To think on your feet so quickly, would I have come up with that same solution? Other teachers throwing themselves in the line of fire to warn teachers over the PA system.

We got an email from our headmaster yesterday afternoon telling us that due to a shooting in Newtown it was important for us to continue to keep the doors locked at our school. That was the first we had heard of the shooting. We got online to get information and that's when we learned how horrific the shooting really was. As we read that most of the children killed were believed to be kindergarteners I felt a pit in my stomach and held back tears as I looked at my class. They were eating lunch, excited for Christmas some were singing jingles bells. Some lay on the floor looking at books with a friend. My students, like all children are so innocent and pure. How could anyone walk into a room, look them in the eyes and kill them? I couldn't finish my lunch, it made me sick. The rest of the school day the teachers quietly exchanged new information with each other, careful not to let the children know that anything had happened. How could something like this happen to children? It just makes you sick.

The only thing that helps dull the pain is knowing with assiduity that those precious little children are with their Father in Heaven now. They are innocent and pure and ready to obtain all that he has for them. I think of the passages in 3rd Nephi and Matthew were Jesus shows his love for the little children, when he says "suffer the children to come to me." I'm grateful for the plan of salvation and to know that these families will be together again one day. To know that our short time on earth is but a moment in the vast eternity that we will all share with our family and loved ones some day. I only hope that the time will pass quickly for these families as they await the day they will once again be reunite with their families. It is this knowledge that will help my aching heart be healed. I hope those who lost family will feel the love and peace of the Savior in this difficult time.