On The Day You Were Born

*I won't post many pictures of myself, but of course I have to post a few. I just ask that you don't judge me to harshly. One of the symptoms of preeclampsia is severe edema (swelling) and it especially is noticeably in my face which was about twice as big as it normally is.

I have to admit, when I imagined giving birth I didn't ever picture it being confined to a bed in a borderline hallucinate state. I always wanted a nice quite, calm birth experience. I didn't want to be the person yelling through contractions and screaming while pushing. I wanted to relax and work with my body to bring my child into the world into as clam of an environment as possible. I wanted to do it on my own. I didn't want to be induced or have an epidural. I hoped the baby would decide when she was ready and I would go into labor. I wanted to do as much of it at home as possible then go to the hospital and finish without an epidural. The biggest reason for not wanting the epidural was because I was scared of the needle. I'm a wuss. I bought the hypnobabies home study course and CDs to help promote this calm, natural, medication free birthing experience. I knew as soon as I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension that I would be induced. Once I developed preeclampsia I knew there was a serious chance of a csection. That's when my plans changed a little. I still wanted it to be as calm as possible for baby girl, anything after that I didn't care as much about since both her life and mine were at risk.

I spent the night trying to get as much sleep as I could. It wasn't easy though, I was pretty uncomfortable. I was having very mild contractions in addition to the awkwardness of the catheter. Not to mention the compression leggings they put on me to prevent blood clots. Additionally, I had to make a conscious effort to keep both arms straight. One had the BP cuff on and if my arm was bent would give an inaccurate reading. The other had the IV in it. Since I was so swollen the only place they could stick the IV was the vein in the crook of my arm and if I bent it the IV would stop working and would also sting. The magnesium also started to really set in by the morning. I was so dizzy I couldn't keep my eyes open to long and when I did open them it could only be one eye at a time because with two eyes I couldn't focus. It was rough.

 Mike was so good to me though, the perfect husband. Getting me things I needed or asked for and just keeping me company. One of the doctors from my practice came in at 8am and told me they wanted to remove the cervital early, I was suppose to have it in for 12 hours and still had 2.5 hours left`so I was surprised. He checked and said I was dilated to a 1 and was 60% effaced. They waited half an hour then put me on pitocine. I started to feel the contractions a little more but they were easy to manage. My friend Amanda stopped by to see me around 10 which was really nice. I needed something to help keep my mind off of things. The doctors came in at 11 to check my progress again and I was at a 3 so they decided to break my water. They were really anxious to speed things along. {They did not tell me this at the time because they didn't want to scare me but looking back at the way they did things and some of the comments the nurses made to me after I delivered I'm pretty confident that they were very concerned about me. I saw some of my BP reading that we 170/110 and above.} After they broke my water I started to have very strong powerful pressure waves (hypnobirthing term.) I never had time to finish all the hypnobaby classes I was taking at home so I did the best I could to apply the little I did know. Each time I had a wave I relaxed as much as possible, closed my eyes and thought happy, positive birthing thoughts. Mike found something online about breathing through the pressure waves. Inhale slowly, then exhale pushing the breath down, then releasing the breath into the air. Surprisingly this was pretty effective. I also had Mike turn on the Kenneth Cope Pandora station. It was a really spiritual experience as so many on the songs played were favorites of mine. I knew I needed the Lords help to get me safely through this situation. The song "I Need Thee Every Hour" has always been a favorite of mine, but the words brought an extra amount of comfort at that time. Mike also downloaded the song "Eden's Garden" which is a special song to us and where we got baby girls name. It was a really spiritual/special two and a half hours as I waited to be check for my progress.

By the time they came to check me the pressure waves were so strong it was getting harder and harder to breath through them. I had made the mental decision that if I was past a 5 I would keep going without medicine. Anytime less and I would get the epidural. When I was 3.5 cm and 100% effaced I asked for the epidural. I thought if I had only progressed .5 in 2.5 hours I would keep going like this for 10 hours. They checked my progress before putting the epidural in and I was at a 5. I was pretty pleased that I had progressed 1.5 cm in 45 min. After they put the epidural in I told them I didn't know if it was working 100%, my right side felt fine but there was a lot of pressure on my left side. They had the anesthesiologist come back down to check it out, and possibly redo it. At 2:45 he arrived and I tried to describe the discomfort I was having. He looked  a little confused as I was talking to him, then he said "is the pain in your abdominal area or somewhere else? Because you just had a contraction and it seemed not to bother you. At that point I said, "Well I guess if I think about it, it is more behind me than in front of me. I feel like I need to use the restroom, maybe I need to have a bowel movement?" {BTW: I hate talking about stuff like this, but I swear you really do loose all your inhibitions during child birth.

They decided to check my progress and I was at an 8, so they called the doctor to come in. Mike called my mom and she was about to cross the tapan zee bridge. She was now worried she was going to miss the baby's birth. Dr. Bodnar, who I hoped would be the one to deliver the baby, came in a little after three. She was so calm and chill and talked about what would happen next. She had me do one round of practice pushes to show me what it would be like. By 3:20 I was at a 10 and ready to start the real pushing. My mom made it into the room at 3:30, she was really wired/stressed from her long journey and I told her to take a deep breath and calm down. I was still really calm and collected and I needed everyone else in the room to be the same. I gave her our nice camera and some instructions on how to take the pictures. Now that my mom was here and the cameras were ready to go it was time to get down to business. I did 4 more rounds of pushing before baby girl appeared. I never knew how far encouragement from my mom,the nurses and doctors would get me. It was them telling me how well I was doing and encouraging me to keep going that made the biggest difference to me. Mike was close by, although I had asked that he stand back a little, I didn't want him to pass out. Without me asking her actually recorded some really precious moments during her birth and the first time I held her which I will be forever grateful for.

When they tossed her onto my belly I was to worried about if she was breathing well enough to fully take in the moment. I knew she was a premie and would need extra medical attention and was anxious to hear that she was breathing well and seemed to look healthy at first glance. They took her over to clean her up and my mom and Mike followed close behind. Since there was a NICU team as well as the people who helped deliver the baby in the room it was pretty crowded and I frantically looked around for Mike. I was anxious to see what his reaction to the birth of our little girl was. Sadly, I couldn't see him. Once they determined that she was breathing well enough they wrapped her up and put her in my arms. I knew it was the last time I'd be able to hold her for 24 hours and I had a really hard time letting go of her. I knew she would be in good hands in the NICU and that her dad and grandma would love on her enough for me, but I would be lying if I said it didn't break my heart a little.

With preeclampsia the 24 hours after giving birth are just as dangerous as giving birth. For this reason I had to stay on the magnesium confined to my bed for the next 24 hours. The doctor stitched me up and delivered my placenta and even showed it to me. I was actually curious to know what it looked like after it had caused me so many problems. After 30 min the NICU called and told us Eden weight 4 lbs 15 oz and was 18 inches long.

Shortly after the NICU called Mike and my mom went upstairs to see her. I was so happy that they were able to facetime me in on all the action so that I felt like I was there with them. I was happy to see that she didn't need any oxygen and was looking really good. I just smiled as I watched her. I was captivated with every little movement. She was perfect.

That night my mom and Mike went upstairs to say goodnight to her. They facetimed me and I sang her a few lullabyes before bed. Mike told my mom that he was going to take a minute to day goodnight to her alone. He didn't come back down for 45 min. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall. He had fallen in love with his little girl faster than I think he ever imagine. He told me later that when she was born her got pretty emotional. It made my heart melt. I never imagine how much my love for him would grow as I watched him fall in love with our daughter. There is nothing sweeter in all the world.

My mom stayed with me that night so that Mike could get a good night sleep after being at the hospital the night before. I was sooo grateful to have my mom there. She took such good care of me and loved on me and helped make me feel better. I think they increased the level of magnesium I was on because I was so dizzy and week. I could barely feed myself. Although I wasn't even allowed to eat anything but clear foods, so it was really just lemon Italian ice I could barley feed myself. The catheter didn't even bother me anymore because I was to weak to notice it. It was a really rough 24 hours post birth. Thankfully, between the nurses, my mom and Mike I felt very well taken care of. I was anxious to get off the meds and go upstairs and hold my little girl.

Baby Time....

On Monday I was so anxious to get out of the hospital. My BP had been high but not to concerning all weekend and I was confident that I would loose my mind if I had to stay. I just wanted to go home. Early that morning my Dr had stopped in to see me and he made it sound like I'd be able to go home as long as my BP stayed down and my test came back ok, I was giddy. Later morning they wheeled me down to the high risk doctor area and did the NST and BPB. As usual the baby looked great. I was confident I'd be able to go home. I packed my bags and waited till about 2:30 when the high risk doctor came to see me. He told me all my tests looked great and that I would be able to go home if I would promise to do a few things. One, I had to take my BP every 4 hours and if the top number was about 160 or the bottom number above 105 that I had to call my doctor. I also was given a list of other symptoms I had to call if I started to experience (headache that didn't go away with medicine, change in vision, bleeding, ect.) Two, I had to promise I wouldn't be alone for very long. One of the side effects of high BP is stroke or seizure and it could come on with no warning. He wanted to make sure if that happened someone would be with me to get help. Finally, I had to go into the office for testing twice a week. We talked about delivery options. He said for sure before new years but maybe earlier if anything changed, we would monitor data and play it by ear. Mentally I was thinking between 36 and 37 weeks would be ideal. By then she would be strong enough to avoid going to the NICU at birth. I also asked about my activity level once I was at home, I didn't know if I was on strict bed rest or what. My dad was worried about blood clots from bed rest and I mentioned that to him. He said he was not putting me on bed rest, I could leave the house if I needed. I was SUPER GIDDY!! I was going home AND I wasn't going to be a prisoner!  I was finally discharged at 4:30. Mike drove me home and I felt like I had just busted out of jail. He left for class a little while later so I took advantage of him being gone to wrap all the presents that had come for him in the mail while I was at the hospital. It was fun, but I had a small headache and was really tired. I was worried my BP had gone up but it was still in the same range. Mike got back from class and we talked a little about how crazy it was to think we'd have a baby at home in 2 or 3 weeks. It amazes me that you are pregnant for so long but I'm not sure it ever really sinks in that you are going to be a parent till AFTER t.he baby comes. We cuddled on the couch and watched "The great Christmas Light Show Challenge." Mike loves light shows so it was fun to watch. We even made a cup of hot coca to top it off. After that was over we feel asleep watching Home Alone 2. It was a great night, I had no idea it would be our last relaxing evening at home before the baby...

Tuesday morning I woke up with a huge kink in my neck and a headache to match it. I took my BP and my first reading was 171/97. I almost cried. I didn't want to go back to the hospital! I ran into the bathroom and made Mike let me take his BP before he was even able to dry off from his shower. I wanted to make sure the thing was working right. Unfortunately it was because his BP was perfect. Since it was only 8am I decided to wait till 9 when the doctor opened to take it again and if it wasn't down I would call the doctor. Luckily when I took it at 9 it was down to 153/94. Not great, but I didn't have to call. I took a shower, made plans for someone to come pick up the TV we were selling and started some laundry. Since I wasn't suppose to be alone my mom facetimed me till Amanda came to pick me up. We had a few baby things we wanted to do and I needed to get out for a little field trip. We went to Carters to get some newborn clothes since it was very likely that we would fit into her 0-3 month clothes if she came in the next 2 weeks. We also went to old navy to return something and Bed Bath and Beyond to look at diaper bags. They didn't have the two I was trying to decide between so I looked around at some other things and remembered I needed a swaddle sack. I also picked up another aden and anais burp bib because I was so in love with them. Then we headed to the mall. As the day was going along my headache was getting more pronounced. I got a salad at subway and sat down to eat. I knew needed to take my BP again but since I was tired and had a headache I was nervous about what it would say. I took it and it was 162/104.... that was not good. I told Amanda it would be best if I just did the returns we had planned then head home. We made our returns and of course stopped by baby gap to see if they had anything cute out. I got home around 2:45. I sat down on the couch and tried to relax before taking my BP again. I threw all the baby clothes I just bought in the wash and chatted with my brother before taking my BP. When I finally took it I got a reading of 163/98. My top number was still high but my bottom number was going down. I also was concerned about my headache. I decided I needed to take medicine to see if it went away.  I waited a half hour and took it again. It was 162/102. I knew I needed to call the doctor. After calling and telling them what was going on she told me just to go to the hospital to have the same kind of testing done. They wanted to make sure my urine and blood work looked good. She said pack a bag just in case and head over. I called Mike and told him and he said he would leave work and come take me. At this point it had been 45 min since I had taken the medicine for my headache and it hadn't gone away. I was starting to get a little nervous that something was happening. After packing my bag I folded my clean newborn clothes and put them away before Mike arrived. When we got to the hospital they put me in Labor and Delivery and started all the normal test (urine sample, blood work, NST, BPB.) The resident talked to me and told kind of told us that if it looked like I had preeclampsia that I would be induced.... tonight. That kind of put us in a little bit of shock. Mike was really surprised that that COULD even happen. BUT that wasn't 100% certain, I'd had several of these done and it always came back good. So I was thinking it was a toss up. The only thing that made me nervous was the headache. I sent Mike home to get a few things while we waited on the blood results to come in. At about 7 the nurses came in to tell me that my doctor was on his was over to discuss the lab results with me. At that point I figured it was baby time. Mike got here shortly after and I prepared him. If my doctor was coming to the hospital at 7pm to see me, it was probably to tell me we needed to induce labor. As predicted a few minutes later Dr Lenney came in and told me there was protein in my urine. That combined with my headache and high BP was a preeclampsia diagnosis and at 34.5 weeks it was safer both myself and the baby if we induced me TONIGHT! That was a lot to take it. We asked a lot of questions about my health and the babies and they did a great job answering all my questions. The game plan was to give me cervital for 12 hours to soften my uterus. I would also be given magnesium sulfate for my high blood pressure to help prevent seizure. Then in 12 hours they would start me on pitocin.

I called my mom to let her know she would need to leave in the morning. Mike called his friend to ask if he would come help give me a blessing. I was really nervous about what was going to happen during delivery and needed the peace and comfort of my Heavenly Father. Justin and Jason showed up 30 min later in their Sunday clothes and Mike gave me a sweet blessing of comfort. Then they gave Mike a blessing of comfort. I could feel my Heavenly Fathers love and peace so strongly in those sweet moments that I knew everything was going to be ok and that the baby and I would be fine. I/m so glad I have the Lord to lean on in my life. I know he has been with me these past few weeks and will continue to be with me now, even more so as I deliver our little girl.

Extended Stay

If you read this post then you may know I have been having some problems with my blood pressure. That is such a weird thing for me to think. Three weeks ago I didn't even know what was considered a good BP or a bad. All I knew about it was that I was always complimented for my great blood pressure any time I went to the doctor. After writing that post this is what has gone down.

Friday Nov 28th we had a growth and development ultrasound at the hospital as well as a non stress test. For both tests baby girl looked great. They thought she was around 4lbs 12 oz which put her in the 50th percentile. Perfect.

That weekend I tried to take it fairly easy so I wouldn't swell to much. I tried to go to the mall on black Friday and only lasted an hour or so. I could feel the water moving around under the skin on the top of my foot. So weird and gross. My fingers got super swollen and blotchy. That was new. So I went home and finished my Christmas shopping online, as I should have done in the first place.

On Monday I went to work and was in a 4th grade class. I wasn't really able to put my feet up so by 2pm they were pretty swollen. I went to the office and asked the nurse to take my BP for me. It was 160 over 102 or something (for the record normal BP is 120 over 60. High for pregnancy is 140/90.) So I was really high. Luckily, I had a Dr. appt that afternoon. By the time I went in my top number was a little lower but my bottom number was a little high. So my Dr. sent me back to the hospital for the same type of testing I had had the past week. I was in and out in two hours. My BP went back down and baby girl was looking fantastic. I was told no work on Tues and Wed and that I had to collect a 24 hour urine sample on Wed and bring it with me to my next Dr appt on Thursday. I was also told to monitor my BP at home and that if I got a reading for the top number over 150 or the bottom number over 100 that I needed to call my DR. So home I went prepared to take it easy

Tuesday I kept things pretty low key. I worked on the computer and watched TV. I kept track of my BP and it was beautiful (for me) 130/80 or lower. Score. Wed. I felt a little ambitious. I had my friend Amanda come over and we went to Trader Joes together then I made a quick lunch and we chatted the afternoon away. While she was over I took  my BP and dang it, it was high... I thought I was doing it wrong so I took it several times... still high. So I called the Dr. and they told me to come in. They took my BP at the office and it had come down a bit so they sent me home to finish my 24 hour collection and told me no work on Thursday and to come back first thing in the morning to be check out.

Thursday (12/5/13) I took my BP when I woke up in the morning and my heart sank a little when it was in the 150's/110's Yikes. It was still high at my appt. They put me on the monitors then my doctor came in to talk with me. She said since I was 33 week and 6 days that they could still give me steroids for the baby's lungs but that 34 weeks was the cut off. She told me her gut was telling her I was going to have to deliver early and she would feel better getting me on those steroids. She told me I was going to need to go back to the hospital but this time I would need to be admitted and stay for 48 hours of observation. WHAT? Admitted? 48 hours. NO!! Didn't she know my dear friend Amanda was having her baby shower Saturday morning and that I was in charge of the food!! I was so disappointed for several reasons. She told me I could go home and have breakfast pack a few things then I needed to go to the hospital, I had an hour. So I went home and rushed around the house frantically finishing some last minute things for Amanda's shower and putting everything in a bag for someone to pick up and use.Then I threw together a bag with some clothes and a bag with some books. I looked around at the house glad it was clean and that I had everything in order so I wouldn't feel like I was missing out on doing things at home. I mean even all the laundry was done, that NEVER happens, especially on a weekday. These realizations have been tender mercies as I have started to reflect on how the hand of the Lord has been guiding me, unbeknownst to me, for several weeks to get my life in order so that I wouldn't be panicking about things. Luckily, my friend Megan had planned to stop by for a quick visit and she was able to take me to the hospital. I had another quick, albeit maybe to personal tender mercy as I was walking out the door. I grabbed my keys out of habit, then said Mike will want these to drive my car while I'm in the hospital so I'll just leave them. Then I locked the door and headed to the car. At that moment I remembered I had my 24 hour urine collection in the backseat of my car that I was suppose to take to the hospital with me. It needed to be "fresh" so I had to have it. I am religious about ALWAYS locking my car so I knew it wouldn't be open, but felt like I needed to just try to open the door... and what do you know. It was unlocked. It sounds silly but I know it was another blessing.

When I got to the hospital it was around 11:30. I was sent to labor and delivery and told I would be hooked up to a monitor for an hour or so then I would be moved to maternity for the rest of my observations. They made me put on the gown... I hate the gown... lol. Then hooked me up. They drew lots of blood, put an IV in me (which took two tries since my arms are so swollen,) then they gave me the steroid shot for the baby. That thing was no joke, it hurt like crazy after the medicine started to sink in. After a while Amanda came by to keep me company since Mike was really busy at work. She stayed with me till they wheeled me down to the ground floor to the high risk Dr. for another growth ultrasound.

 I met the high risk Dr., Dr Boddy, and he did a great job of trying to explain everything to me. As of right now I have gestational hypertension. That is a fancy way of saying high blood pressure caused by pregnancy. To be more specific they believe it is actually caused by an abnormality in my placenta. As you may know the placenta is made out of a lot of blood and is what carries blood to the baby's umbilical cord. For some reason this abnormality caused MY blood veins to constrict making them work harder to pump blood, which leads to the blood being pumped to fast. When blood is pumped to fast for to long it can cause some serious damage to your organs and cause things as serious as stroke or seizures. This condition is decided from the moment of conception. It lays dormant, unable to be detected until usually the third trimester. They don't know a lot about the causes and the only treatment for the mother is delivery of the baby. Unfortunately, when it is detected this early delivery is not an option (unless I start having signs of serious health problems like organ damage or preeclampsia.) I keep hearing different things but it doesn't seem that my activity level causes my BP to rise or that eating salty food will cause it to rise as it is not due to my lifestyle that I have HBP it is because of my pregnancy. Dr. Bobby told me they would keep monitoring my BP and that I would stay the night in labor and delivery and stay on the monitors to watch the baby. I had some abnormal results in my blood work for my liver so they wanted to do more blood work to be sure that something wasn't changing drastically. Mike came by after work and spent the evening with me. My room was big and the nurses very friendly. The only bad thing was the bed... it was so uncomfortable. I got a total of 4 hours of sleep Thursday night.

Friday (12/6/13) They put me on the monitor first thing in the morning. I thought I was only going to be on for an hour or so but I ended up being on it until 4:30 when they moved me to maternity. Friday I wrote my letter to school telling them I would be starting my maternity leave. My mom facetimed me a lot and kept me company. I also had my visiting teacher Amanda D stop by for a bit in the morning. In the afternoon Amanda  E. came by, then my coworker Elise stopped in. I felt so loved and the visitors were so wonderful. It really does mean so much to simply have company. That night Dr. Bobby came in and told me they would keep me till Monday and continue to monitor me throughout the weekend. Then we would decide what the best course of care would be and when/if we would deliver early. Kind of a let down to think I was going home Saturday but then be told I'd have to stay the weekend. That night Brett and Ashley stopped by to say "hi" and Brett helped Mike give me a blessing. I have the best home and visiting teachers ever.

Saturday (12/7/13) Life in maternity is a lot better than in labor and delivery. The room is a bit more cozy, they have a snack room and I am aloud to walk to get my own water. I only have to be on the monitors two times a day for an hour each and they check my BP every 4 hours instead of leaving a cuff on all day. Dr. Vitto from my practice stopped by in the morning to see how I was feeling. He told me not to be discouraged if I had to stay longer than I was planning to. Not what I wanted to hear. Saturday was a bit boring as Mike had school work to finish up and all my friends had weekend plans. Ashley and Brett stopped by again to lend me a laptop so I could take my psychology final while in the hospital. My BP was good as well as my blood work. Baby girl again passed her tests with flying colors. Mike and I had our favorite pizza place deliver dinner to the room, just to make it feel like it was kind of a normal Saturday night.

Sunday (12/8/2013) Dr. Lenny stopped by early in the morning to check on me. He told me since my BP had been pretty good and my lab work was looking good that I would probably be able to go home on Monday, YAY! After getting up and walking around a little I was feeling sick, like I ate to much junk the night before. While I know pizza isn't healthy I only had one piece and was surprised it had made me feel so gross. I figured it would go away after breakfast, but it didn't. Along with that my blood pressure started to go up again. I started to feel very discouraged and nervous that they would not let me go home. My friend Corinne stopped by before church and my visiting teacher Julie came by after church. Since Mike had to spend a lot of the day working on his final project for his Monday night class he wasn't able to come by till late, so the company really helped keep my mind off my BP, upset stomach and headache. I decided to take a nap and try to sleep it off, when I woke up I had dinner (my first meal all day) and I finally felt a bit better. Jordan and Amanda came by, then Julie came back with some delicious veggies (I had been telling her how much I missed good veggies and not the gross hospital kind, best VT ever.) The resident came in to check on me when her shift started at 7pm and she told me that even though my BP had went up then went back down that I was still on track to go home. She attributed the way I had felt that day to just laying around all day. That made me giddy! It is such a roller coaster of emotion. I just want to go home and sleep in my own bed. Mike finally came and we spent some time together before Bishop Merritt and his wife stopped by to check in. Again, I can't get over how many visitors I have been blessed to have and how much it really does mean to know others are thinking of you and taking time from their day to see you. 

Fingers crossed we will know more in the morning...

Pregnancy Update: Weeks 28-33

                   

                 

How far along: 34 weeks and 2 days

Total weight gain: 45 lbs (but most of that has come in the past two-three weeks due to water retention and swelling caused by my gestational hypertension.)

Maternity clothes:  loving my striped shirts from old navy, my gap maternity black pants and any oversized t-shirts of Mikes that

doesn't hug my belly. My feet only fit in my moccasins because they are so swollen.

Stretch marks: Nope, not yet. Fingers crossed :)

Sleep: Most of the time I sleep very soundly. I'm not even using a huge fort of pillows to prop myself up or support myself like I thought I would. I can usually fall back asleep pretty quick after one of my many trips tot he restroom each night. 

Best moment of this week: Mike and I had a 3D ultra sound and got to see Baby Girls squishy little face. When we first started looking she had her eyes open which was just crazy! Then she shut her eyes and put both hands infront of her face and started sucking on one of them. This made getting a good picture of her face tricky but the tech got one I was pleased with. I know she won't look exactly like that when she gets here but I'm so excited to put some type of picture to the bouncing ball of energy in my belly. She looks like she has cubby cheeks and I can't wait to kiss them all over.

Miss anything: I miss not having to worry about my blood pressure and as of this week I miss going to the gym since that is officially off they able. I loved going to the gym and feeling like I was getting a good work out. I also loved the funny looks I was starting to get when I was there. People would do a double take of me to see if I wash at or pregnant, some would even laugh and shake their heads. It made me feel good to know I was pushing my body and preparing it to have the endurance needed for delivery.

Movement: As I mentioned, all the time. She finally moved it, but for a while her foot was in my right rib cage which was really uncomfortable, especially after eating. This made Thanksgivng dinner even that much harder to recover from. My stomach didn't have much rooms to put the large meal and her foot in my rib made it harder to breath to help digest everything, or something like that.
Food cravings: hum, I still live peanut butter on banana but don't HAVE to have it. I get random foods I want for dinner but once I eat them the craving is sustained and I don't have to continue eating it all the time. For example the other day I really wanted roast asparagus so I made some for dinner and they were delicious but I didn't have to have them the next meal. I really LOVE cold, crunchy, semi-sweet cereal with milk. Peppermint joe jokes are delicious but that's a seasonal craving I think.

Anything making you queasy or sick: My high blood pressure is not good and can make me very sick very fasts but I don't FEEL sick, so that's good.

Have you started to show yet: yes
Gender: Still a girl
Labor signs:  Just some friendly and frequent Braxton hicks contractions but they aren't painful so I'm happy.

Belly button in or out: Well it's not really in, but it hasn't popped out. It is just part of my round belly.

 Wedding rings on or off: off :( my fingers are way to swollen, especially at night.

Looking forward to: Having her here and snuggling with her. 

33 Weeks

My walk lately is just a walk. I still got it... ok, maybe sometimes I waddle, but mostly I walk :)

The time I feel most connected to this baby is when she is making wave upon wave in my belly. There is nothing I love more than watching my belly move all around and feeling her move inside.

I keep daydreaming about what she will look like: whose nose she will have, will she have any hair, ect. 

The first thing I will do when I meet this baby is kiss her all over and count all her fingers and toes. But I have to admit that moment doesn't feel real. I can't imagine actually holding her. It all just seems like a dream.

Baby, I hope the way you handle yourself in the world one day will be mostly with confidence in yourself, your talents, you ability to over come adversity and your testimony that though Christ you can do hard things. I think if you remember these things you will have success in all you set out to achieve and will be a beautiful young women.

32 Weeks
At this point, this baby is an active little one and I love it ( I know I keep saying this but it is true and one of the only things I know about her for sure so I'm sticking to it. She also gets the hiccups a ton.
My favorite activity at the moment is getting the nursery ready. I've even made some wall art in photo shop that I hung I there.
Something I don't miss about my pre- pregnancy life that surprises me is that at least now when I eat a larger meal I don't have to suck in my stomach to hide the evidence that I just ate to much. But that's about it. Life is changing and its exciting. There isn't reason to look back. That's why I waited so long to have a baby is so I wouldn't have any regrets and so far I couldn't be happier with my choice of timing.
During labor delivery (per my hypnobirthing terminology) I want so badly to be able to relax with my body through the pressure waves and work with my body and not against it.  I think it will help if I am able to finish all my hypnobirthing cd's and so that I can more fully understand and practice self hypnosis.
Baby, if your friends let you down someday, as people sometimes do, remember that people aren't perfect, they make mistakes and we need to try to forgive and move on. Also never forget that your parents and sibling will always be here for you. As well as your Heavenly Father. What you are feeling really alone read D&C 122 and remember that we can endure much with the help of The Lord. He will never leave us completely alone

                        

31 Weeks
What I'm packing for the birth includes -- wait, I should already be thinking about this? I still have several weeks!
What Mike did lately that saved the day was drive to the grocery store at 9:30 pm on Saturday night to pick up chicken for Sunday dinner since I had forgotten to do it that day. In return I made some killer tortilla like soup! So delicious.
My wardrobe is down to moccasins for shoes, maternity pants and over sized t-shirts.
For the baby this week, we bought... Nothing, nut I had my baby shower this Saturday (11/17/2013) and we got tons of cute baby clothes that il I've. He aunt Cynda and uncle Ben got her an awesome bouncer swing combo that I'm sure she'll love!
Baby, something I'd like to try to do for you is keep a good record of what your life was like when you were a child. Silly thing you said and did, favorite toys and games, funny anecdotes, those types of things. I wish I had a record of things like this for myself so I will try to do it for you rand your siblings.

                                               

Week 30
My family is pretty cute about this whole pregnancy thing. I can tell they are all getting excited for the baby to arrive.
Something I'm really learning about Mike through this pregnancy is he is very quick to do things for me when I ask but is not always so good about furring out what needs to be done without being asked. He's not a mind reader and I have to remember that so I just need to remember that if I ask he will help.
I am learning that I am the kind of person that can do anything when I out my mind to it (but I already kind of knew that, it's just been reinforced to me.
I want to be the kind of mother who is respected by her children while at the same time they know that if there is a problem they can always turn to me and I will give them loving, inspired council.
All this baby gear makes me nutty, where am I suppose to put it all and what is absolutely ESSENTIAL?
Baby, I will always treat you like you are a daughter of God who has been in trusted into my care for this short period of mortal life

29 Weeks

This baby kicks all the time, I hope she sleeps for me when she finally comes.
For me heartburn is ever present.
The pregnancy symptom challenging me the most right now is heartburn and sometimes finger swelling (especially overnight.)
After this baby comes I probably won't be able to go out to dinner alone with Mike as much so we are getting  it out of our system now. We are trying to try new places and scouting out which places are kid friendly. It's a fun weekend date night and it gives me a night off of cooking.
My plans for the first few months after birth include lots of cuddling/snuggling and loving on baby before I have to do student teaching. Oh and playing a lot of dress up :)
Baby, being our kid is going to be a wild ride. You have to remember that you are our first and you don't come with an instruction manual. So we are going to do the best we can and love you to death, but we may make mistakes, and so will you. So we will have to forgive each other of our imperfections  and love each other while we all do our best to get through this life ;)

28 Weeks

In the last trimester, it's feeling like this is actually going to happen.... Crazy.
We want a pediatrician who is... I haven't even though about a pediatrician yet, should I?
The baby names on our list are Eden McKell, but Mike likes McKell as a first name for maybe another baby girl. I think Eden needs a two syllable middle name, and I can't think of anything else (that has as much meaning. McKell is a mix of my maiden name and Michaels name, MCK(McKnight)ell(MichaEL) we also read it was the girl version of the bane Michael. So we'll see what happens.
This baby moves most after I have something sweet, maybe she is developing a sweet tooth like her mom. But she's pretty active all the time, not just after I eat sweets.
Baby, there is something you should know about your parents. We're already madly in love with you. We can't wait to start our family with you as our eldest. We know there is a reason Heavenly Father is sending your sweet spirit to our family first.

The Boss

I am learning all too quickly who the boss is these days. Gone are the days where I was the only one in charge of me. I have learned over the last few days that, at least for right now, baby girl is in charge. She is the boss. This of course will have to change at some point, but not until she is out of the womb. 

This past weekend was a busy one. I had my baby shower (more on that later) along with a few weekend dinner dates. Not to mention the usual house work and meal prep ect. I noticed at church on Sunday that my feet were unusually swollen. I took a picture to send to my mom thinking it was just funny.  She called me right after church and told me she was concerned. Why would you be concerned over swollen feet? This happens to all pregnant women, right? The answer is yes and no. Most pregnant women’s feet swell, but not all of their feet look like they belong to an elephant.  She told me I should just check in with the dr. Monday morning. That night I looked up a little about preeclampsia which was what she was worried about. It mentioned sudden weight gain as a symptom as well. When I got on the scale the next morning I weight 7 lb more than I did a few days prior. That got me worried.

I went to work as normal and waited for the doctor’s office to open. When I called they scheduled me for an appt an hour later. At that appointment my blood pressure was high and the dr. was concerned with the swelling. He told me to go home and lay on my left side for the next two days, this was suppose to help with the swelling.  He also started me on a 24 hour urine collection to check for protein in my urine which would indicate preeclampsia. 

I did as I was told and enjoyed the change of pace. I liked being told I had to relax for a few days. I went back in to the doctor on Tuesday and my swelling and BP had gone down. It seemed like rest was all I needed. He had me stay home one more day while we waited for the test results. I was ok with one more day off. The tests came back normal and I was given a clean bill of health.

I went back to work on Thursday. After being there for a while I felt my feet get tingly and start to swell. I thought I might have the school nurse take my blood pressure… it was really high this time. She told me to call the Dr. I did and he told me to go in right away and someone would see me. Perfect. So back I went.  The Dr. that saw me took my BP and it was once again, high. She said that it was something that had to be taken seriously and that she was sending me to the hospital for some tests, and that I might not just be there for a few hours. I may have started to break down.  Hadn’t I done what I was suppose to? I had relaxed and kept my feet up, why wasn’t my BP cooperating with me? It seemed so scary to be sent to the hospital to the high risk unit. 

I tried to call Mike but he was on another call at work so I called my mom and broke down. That probably had her even more worried than before because I NEVER cry. I told her what was going on then I pulled myself together and called Mike. He was pretty swamped at work so I didn’t want him to worry or feel that he needed to leave work to come sit with me if I was only going to be there for a few hours. I checked in at the hospital and they showed me to my room. I didn’t think I’d have my own room. Then they showed me the gown they wanted me to put on. I didn’t think I’d have to wear a gown. I tried not to worry and to just take big breaths. Once I was situated they hooked me up to a BP deal that took my BP every 15 minutes, they put monitors on my belly to listen to baby girls heartbeat as well. They did an ultrasound to make sure I had enough fluid in my uterus and that everything else looked good (which it did.) They also drew my blood and ran some more tests. After about two hours they said my BP had gone down and that my test results were good and that I could go home.

My doctor called and told me I would need to come in twice a week from now on to have a nonstress test run and to keep an eye on the development of the little one. The doctors have all been really great and I am glad to know they are taking so many precautions to make sure all is well. 

This has been quite the ride and has taken a toll on me emotionally. I have been so blessed to have such an easy pregnancy thus far.  No morning sickness, no aches and pains, I’ve felt great and been confident in my body’s ability to carry this baby. I’ve always just felt like my body was made to have babies; that I’d be one of those people who are back at it a few days after delivery. Now I feel slightly defeated. I’ve been sure to keep exercising and eat healthy through my pregnancy to ensure my body was in the best shape it could for the third trimester and delivery.  Now I feel like I have no control over any of it; which is a hard thing for my “type A” personality to deal with. Despite it all I’m trying to keep an optimistic attitude. Pregnancy is such a blessing and I am reminded of that every time I feel her little feet kick me. This is just the beginning of my life of selflessness and sacrifice for my children, and I couldn’t be more happy or excited.